As always seems to happen when I try to write nowadays, I run out of time and energy long before the finished product says what I want it to say. Oh, well, I'm hitting "Publish" anyway ;-)>
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I don't typically fall into anger when I'm hurting anymore. Part of me actually mourns this as a sort of loss. I have to admit that there was a comfort there, a well of will and energy, a strength to fortify against whatever sort of doom one faces.
I confess that, at this point in my life, when I've been hurt deeply, I sort of mourn the ability to just REALLY FEEL this song again - to build a little wall, to withdraw from the world, to pace and strut and sneer at the object of my pain. It's not tempting to go there again, per se - it's more an old friend that I miss.
The bottom line is that I have a choice in this, and as a disciple of Christ, I choose a different path. I'll choose to love my enemies, and pray for those who persecute me. I'll choose to give also my shirt when my coat is demanded, and to turn the other cheek so that they can strike me AGAIN, if they like. I will choose to forgive, not once, nor twice, nor 7 times, but 70 times 7, and more if necessary. I will empty myself, trusting that I will again be filled with something good. I'll sit quietly, and close my eyes, and fill my lungs, and know that He is God.
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