I just got back from Jeannie Hughes’ blog. I posted, and linked back to my sight. Having done so, I feel this pang of guilt about my language, and even some of the content. I actually considered going back and editing some of it.
The question is, why? And why did I not before hand? Or did I, and was I in denial?
It is possible that the Spirit of God is convicting me. If so:
- Why does He convict me of things primarily when I think of other Christians (or people) finding out about it?
- Why does He convict me most in the context of conservative (or those who I associate with a conservative bent in my own mind) Christians?
Perhaps the mechanism that He uses has something to do with other human beings.
Now the ugly part…
I’ve been noticing lately that my dog seems to have a conscience. When he does something bad (ie: that is completely in accordance with his nature that I’m going to scream at him about because I find it inconvenient), he comes sulking with a look of guilt in his eyes and his tail between his legs. The implications here are manifold.
Am I worried that my conservative peers are going to judge me? And is this leading to my feelings of guilt? And if so, doest his make my conscience unreliable? (Oh, God – please let the answer be no) This is, after all, the exact same feeling that I had when I was first converted, or “saved.”
My position has long been that God went to the time, effort, and expense to give me a conscience, and therefore I had a built-in moral compass and would not trust my spiritual journey to “some guy”. Good – more doubts for the pile.
I’m going to post this and revise. It’s not quite making the point that I want to make…