Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Welcome back to high school

I get attacks. Everyone wants to call them panic attacks, which I resent. I'm not paniced - in fact on many occasions I've felt an uncanny calm.

However, I do have pains in my chest, my heart pounds, and I often sweat and feel like I'm going to pass out. Then, at times, I enter a "final" stage in the whole process that I would call a panic attack where there's definitely some fight-or-flight going on.

Had an attack about an hour ago at the Dr.'s office with my little girl. I broke out in a sweat, my stomach cramped, and i would have sworn that I was going to pass out. This is actually no big deal and happens to me all the time, in fact I didn't even mention it when the Dr. came in. Pretty much just my life at this point, no use whining.

No one wants to hear about it anymore. I suppose I'm a bit like an old person complaining that their bowels won't move or something.

I get it -been through this before.

When I was in high school, I hurt my knee part way through my junior football season. Not only was the pain intense, but I couldn't get the crazy thing to work anymore. I went to the trainer, who told me to ice it. All I heard from the coaches as my play quality deteriorated were phrases involving "goddamit" and "head out of your ass". When I finally went to a sports Dr. after the season, he marvelled that I could still walk on it.

I want to be clear - this is no one's fault. I did the best I could do, and the people who were charged with my care / coaching did the best they new. Sh*t happens. However, I learned a very important lesson from all this:

It's a "you're my guy until you get hurt of I find someone better" world. Unfortunatley, due to my little attacks, I'm playing hurt. But I'm still playing. I'm not sitting on the bench nursing this thing - I'm drugging up and bringin' the pain! Or, to be less metaphorical, I'm not curling up in a ball and wishing quietly for death, I'm using self-hypnosis, taking low doases of drugs designed to prevent such attacks, and continuing with a life in which the demands are seemingly endless and often overwhelming.

You'd think that, for all of that, I could warrant the occasional disengenuous "wow - that must suck. I'm impressed that you get throug hit so well without loosing your d*mned mind."

You'd think...

Monday, August 28, 2006

Deadly nightshade - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Deadly nightshade - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This is precicely the sort of thing that makes me wonder what sort of person used to become a witch. Were they disappointed when they realized that they were only high, and not in fact flying? Or were they like "Cool - give me more..."

DBT-50000 when using DBCA.bat on Windows (Oracle 19.11)

I’ve been having some trouble getting DBCA to run in order to create databases. Thought I’d share it with you, and thus document it for la...