Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Song lyric - work in progress

Think melodic and poetic - sort of a U2 influence.

Are you still there for me?
Am I still there for you?
Have either of us ever been there at all?

The design at play
The end of the day
The time of my life
The time of yours

The things I say
The one, the way,
The twist of the knife
It pours

I know I’ve hurt you
Did you really live for me?
Or was your devotion
To people I never see?

The doubts that rend
The thoughts I bend
The looming cliff
The chance to choose

The value Grey
Lack will to stay
The wager stiff
Will I even know if I lose?

Bend my thoughts
My mind strains at the edge of it’s capabilities
The flat-spin ensues.
The wine helps me hit the silk.
Problems I cannot solve
Questions I cannot answer

Thursday, December 14, 2006


I'm having a terrible time getting the song list down to only 3. Here's a brainstorm - most of these will be immediately disqualified -
1. Another brick in the wall (parts 1 and three, with some 2 but not overdone)
2. Yoda (by wierd al - to toon of Lola)
3. Mrs. Robinson
4. Weed with Willie
5. Semi-charmed life
6. Fat lip
7. Zero, 1979, Tonight - Tonight, etc. from Smashing Pumpkins.
8. 50 ways to leave your lover
9. Phantom of the Opera
10. Punks in the Beerlight
11. Catholic School Girls Rule
12. Something by Ray Stevens (Maybe Hugo Human Cannonball?)
13. Been caught Steelin'
14. Brain Damage
15. Do the evolution
16. Betterman
17. Give up the Funk
18. At least 1 Morphine song (Bueana?)
19. Sit on my face (Monty Python)
20. Old fashioned Morphine
21. Lightning Crashes (Live - throwing copper)
22. Twisted Transistor
23. Ghost Riders in the Sky (have a great rendition with Johny Cash & Willie Nelson)
24. The Middle
25. All along the watchtower
26. Flagpole Sitta
27. Something from Buck Cherry?
28. Dammit! (Early Blink 182)
29. has the whole world lost it's head (Go-Go's, baby :))
30. Seven Deadly Sins (Flogging Molly)
31. Bleed like me? Or something from Garbage 2.0
32. I am the highway
33. Who I am hates who I've been


I hate that I missed Tuesday Hatred over at AdamKotsco.com.

I hate that i never ever see plus sized women in hot-pink or powder blue panties anymore. (Where did the 80s go?) Seriously, I still remember an add in a catalog that had a curvy black woman with a cutsie fro in a powder blue bra and pantied ensemble. Her skin was perfect, and her hair sort of teased at her big brown eyes. I need a moment...

I hate that you cannot get anesthesia over the counter. I'd never be conscious again, baby.

I hate no longer being able to drink real pop. Gad-Zukes! I'm jonesin' for a soda.

I hate not feeling guilty for cruising for porn in any non-relative sense. The only thing to prevent said ogling is my wife's dislike for the behavior. That's enough, but shouldn't there be more?

I hate never agreeing with anything that I hear at church - ever. "No room for gray in religion," says he. "My ASS!" says I. (Well said, Joe.) What planet are these people from?

Mmmmmm...... Powder Blue.....

Thursday, December 07, 2006

I don't need no arms around me ...

I don't need no drugs to calm me...
I have seen the writing on the wall.

Don't think I need anything at all.

NO! Don't think I need anything at all!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Just daignosed with Diabetes

Thank you, God, for this one more reminder of the effects of my lifestyle, and may i finally have the willpower to change it.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Crash - Dave Matthews

Definitely one of the best songs of all times.

Specifically, it reminds me of a time in my life.
- A time when I dreamed of Amy and Michelle and Sherry and Jill and Lisa. Especailly Lisa.
- A time in my life when glancing over at Launa in her revealing sunday best could could give me the sort of problem that makes a fellow need to find an excuse to remain seated, even though paster says please stand.
- A tim in my life when the most amaizing experience I'd had was one encountered alone in my room after Lisa had touched me that day. Even more real than the real thing.
- A time in my life when watching a woman through a window was not some insipid act of purile hedonistic indulgence to be avoided lest I be labelled or worse, but a rare and mighty gift from God - a truly cosmic moment when i glimpsed what I still only hoped I would someday encounter.

"Hike up your skirt a little more, and show the world to me ... in a boy's deam..."

Songs like this are both good music and good poetry. If only there were more of them.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Dicrocoelium dendriticum - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Wow - I must admin that this is the kind of thing that makes me doubt both evolution and creation, for differing reasons.

Dicrocoelium dendriticum - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: "Dicrocoelium dendriticum) is a parasite which lives its life in three animals.

First stage: D. dendriticum starts life as eggs found in the dung of cattle. This dung is fed upon by snails which allow the eggs to enter the snail's intestine. Once inside, the eggs hatch and burrow into the digestive gland of the snail. The flukes reproduce in this gland and are expelled from the snail in slime trails.

Second Stage: Ants happen upon the slime and consume it as a source of moisture thus taking the new flukes into their system. Once inside the parasite shows an interesting tactic. By controlling nerve centers of the ant they are able to control its behaviour. When the sun sets and temperatures drop the ant is compelled to attach itself to a tall blade of grass by its mandibles. Here it lies in wait to be ingested by some grazing animal. If the ant survives the night the sun prompts it to return to the colony and live its life normally, until the next night. Eventually the ant is eaten by some grazing animal.

Final Stage: Flukes living within ants are eaten by cattle while grazing. The flukes will enter the digestive system and force their way into the cow's liver, here they will continue to grow to adults capable of producing eggs."

Friday, September 15, 2006

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Guardian Unlimited Books | By genre | Fay Weldon who has found God after 70 years as atheist talks to Stuart Jeffries

Guardian Unlimited Books By genre Fay Weldon who has found God after 70 years as atheist talks to Stuart Jeffries

I think it's sad that people can't express certain opinions that aren't extreme. I agree with much of what Fay says, particularly in terms of women having all the power, and the attitude towards sin (expressed in this case as adultery). It's not the end of the world, just come back to earth, yeah?

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


My daughter, who turned 6 years old about a month ago, asked me tonight:
daughter - Dad, Why do we live?
Dad - I don't know, honey.
Daughter - Dad - is this real or am I dreaming? *smile*
Dad - it's real, baby. *smile*

Monday, September 11, 2006

5 years after 9/11, many angry at U.S. - Yahoo! News

5 years after 9/11, many angry at U.S. - Yahoo! News

Bush could have been the greates president ever. Instead, we decided to invade Iraq. By we, I mean the guy who thinks we elected him king.

Worst. President. Ever.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

My heart goes out to him

My heart goes out to a young friend. Tonight finds him cought in the throes of Naz(arene)ism. it is unfortunate that we have set the bar so high that it is impossible for a young man to measure up. It is tragic that we are producing teens and young adults that are so damaged. This poor boy actually stated that he was afraid to date, because he knew he'd have sex.

One of the devil's greatest tricks is to convince us that sex is somehow fundamentally bad. Examples:
1. Jesus MUST not have been married or had children, becuase he was sinless. I've heard this many times. My response - gah?
2. Masturbation as sin - everyone's taught it is. I found as a young man that if I didn't handle it, it handled me. Masturbation doesn't hurt anyone, and it relieves a legitimat physical NEED.
3. Priests not able to marry. I don't know where to begin on this.

I don't beleive that we have to resist everything that makes us human.

I wonder -when are they going to tell us we can't poop? Ya' konw, that's pretty icky and dirty. Gotta be sinful.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Welcome back to high school

I get attacks. Everyone wants to call them panic attacks, which I resent. I'm not paniced - in fact on many occasions I've felt an uncanny calm.

However, I do have pains in my chest, my heart pounds, and I often sweat and feel like I'm going to pass out. Then, at times, I enter a "final" stage in the whole process that I would call a panic attack where there's definitely some fight-or-flight going on.

Had an attack about an hour ago at the Dr.'s office with my little girl. I broke out in a sweat, my stomach cramped, and i would have sworn that I was going to pass out. This is actually no big deal and happens to me all the time, in fact I didn't even mention it when the Dr. came in. Pretty much just my life at this point, no use whining.

No one wants to hear about it anymore. I suppose I'm a bit like an old person complaining that their bowels won't move or something.

I get it -been through this before.

When I was in high school, I hurt my knee part way through my junior football season. Not only was the pain intense, but I couldn't get the crazy thing to work anymore. I went to the trainer, who told me to ice it. All I heard from the coaches as my play quality deteriorated were phrases involving "goddamit" and "head out of your ass". When I finally went to a sports Dr. after the season, he marvelled that I could still walk on it.

I want to be clear - this is no one's fault. I did the best I could do, and the people who were charged with my care / coaching did the best they new. Sh*t happens. However, I learned a very important lesson from all this:

It's a "you're my guy until you get hurt of I find someone better" world. Unfortunatley, due to my little attacks, I'm playing hurt. But I'm still playing. I'm not sitting on the bench nursing this thing - I'm drugging up and bringin' the pain! Or, to be less metaphorical, I'm not curling up in a ball and wishing quietly for death, I'm using self-hypnosis, taking low doases of drugs designed to prevent such attacks, and continuing with a life in which the demands are seemingly endless and often overwhelming.

You'd think that, for all of that, I could warrant the occasional disengenuous "wow - that must suck. I'm impressed that you get throug hit so well without loosing your d*mned mind."

You'd think...

Monday, August 28, 2006

Deadly nightshade - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Deadly nightshade - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This is precicely the sort of thing that makes me wonder what sort of person used to become a witch. Were they disappointed when they realized that they were only high, and not in fact flying? Or were they like "Cool - give me more..."

Thursday, August 24, 2006

My girls

So, a friend calls me last night at about 10:00 asking me if I'd like to play base in a concert tonight. What the hell, says I. Why wouldn't I want to play an instrument I don't play on songs i don't know in a band I'm not in. Sweeeeeeeeet......

The most wonderful part of the whole night was the picture my little girl made for me. Check this out...

I can't think of anything that makes me happier than my family. My wife and my daughters make me hope there is a God, and that somehow we'll be together forever.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

PvPonline.com � Hosted By SPEAKEASY.NET

PvPonline.com � Hosted By SPEAKEASY.NET
Articles like this are why I love Scott Kurtz and PVP Online. Scott is SO right-on. My kids would play games all day every day if I would let them. And if they weren't doing that they would watch cartoon network. And if they weren't doing that... And if they weren't doing that, they MIGHT go outside.

Fortunately, I have joined the country club and take my kids swimming for about two hours a day. Unfortunately, i think this is the only excersize they get.

It's no coincidence that all of my friends developed weight problems at about the same time we got our vic-20s and Atari consoles.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Penny Arcade! - Do You Hear What I Hear

Penny Arcade! - Do You Hear What I Hear

Someday, airlines are going to figure out the stark terror that they invoke, and they're going to just start injecting passengers with Morphine at the door or something. I'd pay an upgrade fee for that, baby.
I know more people with prescriptions for zanex or whatever just for this reason ...

Monday, June 26, 2006

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Computing.Net - A batch file for rename

Computing.Net - A batch file for rename
You can do a substring in a batch file in the following way:
echo %filename:~3,9% - this will echo the variable filename starting at character 3 and going through character 9

This can be combined with the for /f command or a utility like fart.exe to do some really neat stuff :)

Macworld: News: IBM runs frozen chip at 500GHz

Macworld: News: IBM runs frozen chip at 500GHz

Zaaaaaaoooooowweeeeeeee. That's fast.
Think of all the rediculous things that Microsoft could do in Word if they had 500 - 1000 Giga-Hertz to play with. ;)

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Monday, May 22, 2006

WebSphere AdminConsole not starting

On WebSphere Network Deployment:

Get an error message stating that the virtual host or webgroup /admin/ is not configured.
After verifying that the dmgr was starting without serious error, I did the following:

  • Started wsadmin.
  • Ran $AdminApp uninstall adminconsole
  • Ran $AdminConfig save
  • Ran $AdminApp install /installedapps/adminconsole.ear
  • Note that I did not install from installable apps. I don't know if this makes a difference, but it is what the linked web page recommended.
  • Ran $AdminConfig save
  • Restarted the deployment manager.


Saturday, May 20, 2006

The worst Member

A friend from theNaz Church came to visit me today. At one point in our conversation he asked me, "Are you a member?"
"Yes," I responed.
"Wow - You're, like, the worst member I know."

"Thanks?" ...

Sunday, May 07, 2006

A History of God - re-reading

Went to church today and heard what amounted to a pretty good sermon. I don't understand, however, the fear and avoidance of ideas that is so often encouraged in Naz-dom.

Actually, book burning was mentioned, which gave me a heavy feeling in my gut.

I recognize that I'm angry at nothing in particular and looking for an excuse to hate any given sermon, but why do they make it so easy? Preaching against knowledge, against tolerance, against so many of the ideals I hold dear.

I've decided that I do no want my children raised in that church, no matter how good the people are.

Now, to break the news to Mom...


Saturday, May 06, 2006

Great anarchy Symbol

Wow, is there any way in which Penny Arcade doesn't kick ass?


Happiness is a new puppy to befriend an old puppy (pictures forthcoming)
Happiness is your 2yearOld daughter holding your earlobes, one in each hand, and licking your nose.
Happiness is the cool quiet of evening in a small town, sitting on your deck and watching your children play in the safety of your back yard.
Happiness is an old friend visiting unexpectedly, and talking for hours and hours about the times, both old and new.
Happiness is the embrace of a beautiful woman so blinded by love to not realize that she could do better.

I am a very, very happy man right now.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

The need...

So ...
this beautiful woman, with whom i have the distinct honor of being intimate, watches a romantic movie while I'm reading back issues of penny-arcade. Later, while I'm drifting softly throught that magical space between sleep and wakefulness where dreams are lucid and life is what I want it to be; my wife is, shall we say, looking to the naughty bits.

(dreams filled with gabe kissing spider man, tycho pondering horseys, pokemon phone-sex, and fruit-fucker ... well... ya know - fucking fruit ... as it turns out)

While I must admit I was a reluctant participant in the ensuing carnal gratification, I was not unwilling. I understand, therefore, that the word "rape" is inappropriate in this context. It would indeed be demeaning to the suffering of the true victims of this heanous crime to even hint at the word, which has been hallowed by the fear, pain, and ruin of it's sufferers.

I will simply say, therefore, that I have been done serious and lasting physcial harm by my wife's aggresive and intense ... need. To whit - I cannot walk. No, seriousely - she hurt me and I'm writing this from my bed of convalescence because I CAN'T FUCKING WALK ...


Old Fashioned Morphine and other songs of drugdom

Recently subscribed to 360-share pro. I'm a bit infatuated with these Kazaa-style music sharing serivices because they expose me to music that I wouldn't otherwise stumble across. If the music moves me, I try to give appropriate contributions ($$$) to the good people who went to the time and expense to make the good music. I don't feed hip-hop-poppies.

My current plan (which may change by the end of this sentence) is to drop some bank on old-fashioned morhpine...

This is a send-up of the old-time religion song as nearly as I can tell, although it is possible that they simply both have a common ancestor.

In my many music service travels, I have reached the conclusion that you cannot go wrong with any song named for or by artists named for "Morphine".

Saturday, March 25, 2006


Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

I confess that my musical taste, while eclectic, is painfully mainstream.
I confess to craving a drink badly. MMmmmm. Strawberry daquery...
I confess that i think i did the wrong thing in jan 2005 on a couple of different levels.
I confess to being astounded by just how much of what a human being IS is all to do with brain-chemistry.
I confess to being way too hard on my children the last couple of days
i confess to wondering, at times, if it may be better for them if i left
i confess to being deeply in love with my wife, and that nothing makes me hope there is a God like my children

Thursday, February 23, 2006

WebSphere Invalid Resource Path (WSVR0100W)

Click title for link...

WSVR0100W: An error occurred initializing, 2.13.2006.CWS_DEMO.GlobalMessageLoggerEAR
com.ibm.etools.archive.exception.ArchiveRuntimeException: Invalid resources path:

The filename, even though it was only 210 characters, seems to be too long. Since NTFS will support 255 characters, I would say this is a WebSphere limitation.

Reducing the path to 184 fixed the problem so the limit is somewhere between 184 & 209.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Access & CVS

after checking a ms-access database out form cvs, one of the forms was broken.
within the form, I'd use the Microsoft common dialog to browse for a file. When checked out of CVS, this returned an automation error -2147467259, which was not terribly useful seeing as it only indicates an "Unknown Error"
As it turns out, for some reason the MS common dialog was stripped off of the forms at some point in the process. I simply re-created these and off it went.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Hitler and Joshua

A distasteful thought occurred to me as I was contemplating the book of Joshua; a question, really: How is what Germany did in WW2 substantively different from what Israel did in the book of Joshua?

I know – I’m going strait to hell for even typing this. We all know that Hitler was evil – diseased of mind and malignant of spirit, Satan’s representative on earth. Joshua, on the other hand, was God’s special guy. He communed with God in special ways, and studied at the feat of Moses.

Let’s set aside value judgement and, for a moment, ignore all of that. Let us pretend that the supernatural is in no way involved in any human endeavor and look simply at the actions of the people in question.

Hitler: If we take his writings in Mein Kampf at face value, Hitler was trying to further the cause of his people – his nation in the ethnos sense, the Germans. To this end, he waged war to acquire land that he felt rightly belonged to his people, and ruthlessly exterminated those that he felt posed a threat to the German culture, religion, or bloodline.

Joshua: If we take the book of Joshua at face value (ignoring the supernatural ascriptions), Joshua was trying to further the cause of his people – his nation in the ethnos sense, the Israelites. To this end, he waged war to acquire land that he felt rightly belonged to his people, and ruthlessly exterminated those that he felt posed a threat to the Jewish culture, religion, or bloodline.


I feel dirty. Someone argue.

A couple of quotes from Mein Kampf:

"Common blood belongs in a common Reich."

wow - in the chapter: "Nation and Race", he literally ascribes his purging actions to the will of god. - -

The result of all racial crossing is therefore in brief always the following:
  • Lowering of the level of the higher race;
  • Physical and intellectual regression and hence the beginning of a slowly but surely progressing sickness.
To bring about such a development is, then, nothing else but to sin against the will of the eternal creator."

Friday, February 03, 2006

Addressing the bible: Part 1

Part1: On the Bible's Author.

It is my deeply held and much-considered opinion that a given argument, fact, opinion, history, etc. should stand or fall on its own merit, not on the credibility given to it’s creator.

It is therefore the MERIT of what is found within the bible that should be discussed, studied, and decided upon, not the author(s).

The question of "who wrote the bible" , although deeply interesting for historical discourse, is irrelevent for a spiritual and/or moral discussion. The quesiton of the authorship of the bible is irrelevant.


I am so blessed to be a part of the familiy that I belong to.
I have basement issues. In my house, right. There was much, much cleaning neading to be done.
I've been working 70 hour weeks and had only been able to inch away at it, so, while I was out of town for 4 days, my Mom and Aunt Betty came over and spent 5 hours making it spick-and-span.

I cannot say how much I'm touched by these sorts of unsolicited gifts of ones self. And, in my family, they happen all the time.


Sunday, January 29, 2006

Byte me.

I don’t need no arms around me…
I don’t need no drugs to calm me…
I have seen the writing on the wall…
Don’t think I need anything at all...
No. Don’t think I need anything at all.

All in all you’re just another brick in the wall.

I hate to admit this, but I think Korn does this better than Floyd did. More visceral and angry.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Morphine - Cure for Pain

Where is the cave where the wise woman went?
And tell me where, where's all the money that I spent?
I propose a toast
to my self-control
I see it crawling helpless on the floor

Turns out, I just like words :)

Morphine, Bootleg Detroit, is a masterpiece. Sandman is missed.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

One more from "A History of God"

At the end of Chapter 10, Karen Armstrong recounts the following story, which, by her tone, may or may not be historical fact, but is insightful nonetheless...

"There is a story that one day in Auschwitz, a group of Jews put God on trial. They charged him with cruelty and betrayal. Like Job, they found no consolation in the usual answers to the problem of evil and suffering in the midst of this current obscenity. They could find no excuse for God, no extenuating circumstances, so they found hi guilty and, presumably, worthy of death. The Rabi pronounced the verdict. Then he looked up and said that the trial was over: it was time for the evening prayer."

The sense of God in me has always been comparable to the urge for sex in that it is not the least bit cognitive. It is not reasonable. No matter how I try to think about it, discipline my mind, consider different perspectives, etc., the reality changes precious little.

To that end, I find that I can chastize God for an imagined unfairness, or question him for suffering, or shake my fist and blast obscenities; but in the end I'm always drawn again, metaphorically, to the feet of I-Know-Not-What. I confess to pride and arrogance, and that Your ways are not my ways, Your thoughts are not my thoughts.

I contemplate suffering, tempted to reduce it to nothing if not the electro-chemical reaction of a brain possessed of a body that is damaged or deprived. Perhaps our view of suffering is immature. Perhaps, as pain is the body's way of telling us that something is wrong, things like Auschwitz are a way of telling us collectively that we are in horrible, horrible shape? (Precious little consolation to the vitims, I'll concede). If we view ourselves as a whole (humanity) rather than a group of individuals(Tom, Dick, Harry...), this perspective seems to make sense. The death of a person is much like the death of a skin-cell, while it cerainly blows for the individual, it may be the best for the collective.

I suspect that we're shaking our tiny intellects and collective fists at a God that simply does not hold to the same priorities as do we.

Also from "A history of God" by Karen Armstrong

Page 392, "Does God Have a Future?"

"It may be that the compassionate religion of the One God has only been observed by a minority; most have found it difficult to face the extremity of the God-experience with its uncompromising ethical demands. Ever since Moses brought the tablets of the Law from Mount Sinai, the majority have preferred the worship of a Golden Calf, a traditional, unthreatening image of a deity they have constructed for themselves, with its consoling, time-honored rituals. Aaron, the high priest, presided over the manufacture of the golden effigy. The religious establishment itself is often deaf to the inspiration of prophets and mystics who bring news of a much more demanding God."

I believe with all of my heart that the church must abandon this bizarre battle for our culture, renounce and repent concerning it's obsession with red herrings such as homosexual marriage, and begin the REAL spiritual "battle" of self-examination, compassion even when it's inconvenient, and true charity.

Voltaire's perfect Religion

Long, now, have I struggled (both inwardly and through outward expressions) with the religion of my father. I've often found it to be contentious, overly simplistic, and generally uncharitbable, in spite of the supremely kind temprament of it's practitioners.

In reading A History of God, I've come across a quote from Voltaire which seems to express eloquently the ideal religion for which I long:

From Philosophical Dictionary:

Would it not be that which tought much morality and very little dogma? that which tended to make men just without making them absurd? that which did not order men to believe in things that are impossible, contradictory, injurious to divinity, and pernicious to mankind, and which dared not menace with eternal punishment anyone posessing common sense? Would it not be one which did not uphold its belief with exocutioners, and did not innundate the earth with blood on account of unintelligable sophism? ... which tought only the worship of one God, justice, tolerance, and humanity?

Scripting out existing database mail configuration

SQL Server Central Artical on Scripting out Existing database mail configuration I wanted to save this here so I can easily find it. Sorry ...