For me, To live is Christ, To die is gain

Philippians 1:21 (New International Version)

New International Version
(NIV)

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International
Bible Society

21For to me, to live is Christ and to
die is gain

Taken in a vacuum, it is difficult to know exactly what this means. However, in the context of the rest of the paragraph that it nestles within, it's clear that the writer is saying that his life is "fruitful labor" for the kingdom, and his death will be welcomed because he will be with Christ.

Lord, may I be a blessing to someone today. May my labor be fruitful for the kingdom. May I be a useful enough servant that it is indeed "more necessary" that I be here rather then going on to my reward, but also help me to trust that you would work even my death to the good of those in whom I have tried to instill a love for You.

Give me a back strong enough to carry whatever cross you have for me today, and to do it while setting an example of the fruits of the spirit.

Give me enough of You within me to fill the gap between what I can do and what I should do.

In Jesus' name, so be it.

Rejoicing in following the statues of God... Theory 1

BibleGateway.com - Passage Lookup: Psalm 119:14

Derin asks:

Does it mean I love money too much or not love God's statutes enough? Or both?

I'm still mulling this one over, but here are some thoughts.

I think it goes deeper than what I love and how, or immediate vs. spiritual.

Money is food, shelter, water, the best health care, good education, more money (it's easy to make money if you've got money), etc.

These are, of course, things for which I tell myself that I rely on God. But ...

In reality, though, I don't think any of that is the issue.

I had a bit of an epiphany when reading Mere Christianity last night (yep, still working on it). I have much in common with Lucifer. Primarily in the form of Pride. A big pile of money is MY thing that I can use to fix MY problems. And YOUR problems, and my family's, and my church's, and little childrens' in Brazil.

It's like when, in the (fictional) Book of Nod, God sent an angel to Cane (the angel Urial, if memory serves), to presented to him the chances for redemption. Again and again it was offered, again and again Cane said something to the effect of "No, by My Own power shall I overcome your judegements." Each time the curse upon him grew worse, until in the end he was unrecognizable, twisted, and evil.

So: There's Lucifer, Cane, and Joe. Excepting that I recognize this pride and make effort to humble myself before God and men. But somewhere deep down ...

Rejoicing in following the statues of God... Theory 2

One of the most bitter points of my Naz upbringing was the way in which we were taught to hate ourselves for really very normal, harmless, and indeed necessary things.

One of the ways in which this devilry was insinuated upon an eager young man with a tragically dysfunctional under developed bullshit detector was in the form of the doctrine of holiness, as presented.

I say "as presented". This is important. I don't know what the official doctrine states, just how it was presented to me.

Holiness in Word, Thought, and Deed. It's not enough that you don't sin, you really shouldn't even want to. If you FEEL this, you're sinful. If you THINK that, you're sinful. Come to the alter and let's pray about it. I hate to admit how weak-minded I am, but, oh-boy, did I swallow the hook on that stuff.

So, where's the connection between this and my not living up to

14 I rejoice in following your statutes
as one rejoices in great riches.

Well, as much as I'd like to think I've undone my childhood and adolescent religious perspectives, I must admit that even when I succeed in "following [God's] statues", I'm still kicking myself. Maybe because I didn't do it with a joyous enough heart, or didn't do it soon enough, or didn't do it every time forever, or maybe I just really would have liked, deep down, to have behaved differently.

We need to stop kicking ourselves for wanting to do what every other person on the planet would want to do, and start patting ourselves on the back for doing the right thing, despite the fact that 9 out of 10 people we know would not have done so.

My internal bar is set too high, and it often robs me of the joy that I should be experiencing from following God's statutes. Still working on it, I'll get there God willing...

I've never won this argument with the folks at my church, and as it turns out I haven't truly won it with myself. My position is that I'm responsible for my ACTIONS, not my FEELINGS.

Rejoicing in following the statues of God...

BibleGateway.com - Passage Lookup: Psalm 119:14

14 I rejoice in following your statutes
as one rejoices in great riches.

Wow. When I think of how I would rejoice in great riches, I'm not sure that I come anywhere close to measuring up to this. I'll be challenged by this one for a while.

that ghastly show that shambles in the clutch of a terrifying unlife

Penny Arcade! - San Diego Sketchbook: Intimacy
So, once again, I must assert my undying devotion to Penny-arcade, for words like this:

that ghastly show that shambles in the clutch of a terrifying unlife

And art like this:

breathtaking elegance...

Penny Arcade! - San Diego Sketchbook: On Vibroblades

"Originally we did it this way because our laptop gave out, but now it's
all we want to do whenever we go places. Also, in order to get napkins
to sketch on, I need to order drinks. The elegance of this pristine mechanism is breathtaking. "

I've been thinking more and more about how I don't really drink anymore. Or draw on napkins. It's expensive (the drinking, not the drawing), and I have to either work or take care of kids (the only things I ever do) no matter how tired or hung over I am the next day.

I didn't used to get hang-overs at all - ever. I could literally be so drunk I couldn't roll over, wake up the next day, and eat spicey tacos with my mother and Mother-in-law. It was like a strange, wonderful super-power. However, as have many things, my super power has weakened and become less reliable with age.

Still, I have to admit, I REALLY miss hanging out with people and tying one on. I miss the alcohol-fueled mayhem and crazy adventures that would often ensue, and I miss having stories to tell about doing karaoke in Todd's basement @ 4 AM, or dancing with strange brazilian girls in a bar on the hill above the hilton until sunrise, or nearly getting beat up by an old lady, or nearly getting shot by some crazy kid from Chicago, or talking to a nice young girl about forming a trade union and how her job teaching head-start is going before slipping a dollar into her g-string, or how crispy cream donuts taste as good coming back up as they did going down. THEY DO!

I know my Naz friends will find this repulsive, and in my defence it's been years. But I gotta tell ya, i really miss those zany sit-com situations, and even moreso I miss the guy who used to constantly find his way into them.

So, I get it, I'm old. But ya' know...

Nah. What's on TV?

Not a teenager ...

So, I'm no longer particularly awkward socially.

I no longer dream of playing linebacker for the bears or being a millionaire by 30.

I no longer fear that I'll be inadequate for any given task, having learned from years of experience that I can do pretty much anything, provided I'm not feeling particularly lazy that day.

I'm excited about good deals on mini-vans.

I no longer have spontaneous erections, nocturnal emissions, or naughty fantasies about July Strayer.

I'm bald, have gray in my beard, am broader at the waist than at the shoulders, don't worry in the least about how I dress excepting in a business setting, watch my blood pressure, eat lots of greens, and don't get the music my kids like.

Clearly, no teenager am I.

Having said all that, Riddle me this: why, oh why, do I still get pimples?

Certainly, there are worse things; but c'mon ...