Shaggy

Tonight! - I had an epiphany...

Check it out -

I...am... ... ... Shaggy.
Let's see ...
* superhuman ability to ingest soda and veggie-burgers covered in wondrous assorted goo.
* eats famous "flaming sphincter" chili until annoying sound of smoke-alarms ruins mood
* Screams like a girl and runs with flailing arms in no particular direction when frightened
* dances poorly to "70's Solid Gold"
* bizarre man-love bond with a talking dog.
* very groovy van, man. Very groovy.

Yep - story checks out :-)>