Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Talking about God With Kids (from Adam Kotsko'a weblog

My eldest daughter is currently in bible quizzing.

Part of me wants to teach her that the things she's learning are just words on a page, suitable for academic endeavor, but no more special than other volumnous works. I want to teach her that the writings about Jesus were done something on the order of 70 years after He died, and may or may not have anything to do with what actually transpired. Part of me wants to teach her to be skeptical and have a sensitive BS detector.

But, I'm afraid to. Why? Because God might smite me? nah - He's got plenty of good reasons to do that now if He wants. Because she might repeat what Dad said to people in my little "community"? Eh - maybe.

Then there's the other part of me; The part of me that prays for here sevral times a day, the part that hopes she is a woman who walks with God, the part that hopes there is a heaven PRECICELY because she exists. That part of me want to teach her that the words of Jesus are beautiful, and that his teachings are truly and without question the way, the truth, and the light. That part of me want to say to her loud and long that there is no question so unfathomable, no insight so unsearchable, no corner of your heart so unreachable as to be beyond the words in red. That part of me longs for her to KNOW Jesus.

But, I'm afraid to. Why? Becuase it might not be true? No, I really think it is. Because maybe Jesus was just some guy and the writers of the Ghospel were trying to carve out a little kingdom? Eh, maybe.


I think I'm mostly afraid of turning her into me - dissillusioned and confused, but not able to completely kick anything to the curb, nor truly able to embrace it. I spend so much time stuck in this bizarre never-never land of "I love Jesus" (I really do) and "I don't beleive in Jesus" (that hurts). I feel a deep sadness that i'm hurting Jesus by not beleiving that he exists as more than 2000 year old skeletal fragments.

I don't even know where to begin pointing out the absurdity...

Why do I find myself in this completely unsatisfactory state of affiars?
20 years of brainwashing and folk-religion?
Some truth that I cannot accept because my intellect is too fininte and my faith too impotent?
Trying to "lean on my own understanding"?
Hmmmmmmmmmm...

Nah. I don't want to do that to her. Just drink the cool-aide, kid. Whichever cool-aide. It all pays the same.

Yikes.

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